The start of a new relationship brings with it a vast array of emotions.
It can re-awaken us to the feeling of being connected to someone else. It can bring with it excitement and enthusiasm which can lead into a long-term commitment.
However, sometimes we find our self in too deep and we may need to come up for some air. It can be challenging to express our feelings to our partner when we know we want things to move at a slower pace.
As you navigate these waters remember that being honest and not letting too much time pass before you communicate your needs is important.
Put in the work to really ask yourself why it is that you want things to slow down.
Be certain that this is not just your way of ‘breaking up nicely.’
I know we think that pulling away slowly is an easier way to let someone go but it is not and it often brings with it more complex hurt and resentment.
It is not uncommon to project our own anxiety on to our relationship, make sure you consider if the issue might be your own fear of letting go,
One of the top reasons that one might want to slow a relationship down the physical intimacy is inhibiting them for exploring other feelings.
Wanting to step back and get to know someone is an understandable request and you should feel validate in your need for deeper emotional intimacy.
Another reason may be you feel he is too clingy or dependent.
It may be that you are uncertain of what level you are at in the relationship and want to process your feelings.
No matter what the reason, there is absolutely nothing wrong with slowing down a relationship; having a respectful and heartfelt conversation can help couple’s get on the same wave length.
If you have decided to slow the pace of the relationship it will be important to talk about what that looks like and reassure him that you like him and that you still care about your relationship.
Emphasize that you want to continue seeing him, but you need some space for yourself.
This may look like scheduling fewer dates or not having overnight dates. Keeping outings more causal and focused on the activity rather than romantic can help slow the pace of a relationship.
In addition to lessening the frequency of phone/text interaction you may decide to go out alone some nights or take up a new hobby. Decide on which of these strategies you feel will work in your situation to help the relationship more at a more natural and organic pace.
Your wanting to slow down the relationship may not be what he wants for the relationship and that is ‘ok.’
He may express his disappointment and that is also healthy, and should not deter you from setting the boundaries that make you feel comfortable. Who knows he may be feeling a similar way!
No matter what, you have the right to share your concerns.
Never feel like you have to do something that goes against your wishes, values, or boundaries.
Being authentic will only help your relationships mature and grow- a good partner will adjust with you.