Parenting with Patience

Understanding Misbehavior

A lot of misbehavior stems from a strong emotion. Be careful not to be reactive;  instead try to connect with the emotions underneath to better understand. It is best we try to help ease a child's struggle by helping them to express themselves in productive, health ways, and do our best to understand them. 

Taking a moment to process does not mean condoning "bad behavior" or rewarding it or ignoring it. 

When a child is in the throes of a big emotion, their very much consumed in the emotion leaving little room for logic and reason. However, how we respond to a child at this time is usually very logic and reason based. It is as though we are speaking two very separate languages. This disconnect can fuel greater reactivity in the child and increased frustration in the parent. 
 We must acknowledge the emotion and meet them where they are in order to bring about change.

* Reflective Listening
Reflect back the feeling you are perceiving from the child. "So right now you feel treated unfairly and are hurt and disappointed. Is this accurate?" 
This can teach your child a greater emotional vocabulary and help you connect with where your child is at emotionally. 

* Put your own emotions on hold. When dealing with these difficult emotional reactions we often get triggered ourselves. Our strong feelings can cloud our thinking and lead us to react impulsively, rather than taking the time to use each interaction as learning experience to help your child. 

* Offer cool down strategies. Suggest the child take a minute to breathe, draw, take a walk to calm down so that you can work together on a solution.  Getting the child back to a balanced state will be the most productive means to move through these difficult emotions. They may be resistant - make it easy for them by already having a "chill out" spot or their favorite activity handy. You can sit near them or if they ask for space allow it. It doesn't hurt to model the behavior you would like your child to engage in. Don't poke the bear. Give them time. Be a safe person they can come to when they are ready. ​